Cookies
by WolfyMagician
Summary: A pair of girls try to sell cookies in Avenue Q. Disclaimer: I own nothing.


**Cookies**

"Alright, this place looks decent."

Two girls stared, bored, beside a trashy-looking sign at what appeared to be a very small apartment complex. It was as dirty and old as the neighborhood it was on, and the street looked like it had required a renovation years ago. They walked on, lugging behind an overused wagon, messily holding different colored boxes. The contents of the boxes rattled as the wheels of the wagon hit the rugged cement floor. The girl pulling the wagon groaned, yanking on the handle harder than necessary and accidentally dropping several boxes that had been sitting, unsupported, at the top of the pile. The other yelped in surprise, picking up all the fallen boxes. When she looked up, her friend was already nearing the apartments, much further away from her as she liked. The girl ran to the other, holding the boxes carefully in front of her. "You coulda waited." She frowned at her friend, placing the boxes she was holding back atop the pile.

"Nah, you were too slow."

"You dropped the boxes!"

"I was pulling the load."

"Whatever."

"Why are we here anyway?" The girl pulling the wagon let go of the handle and sat easily on the steps beside them.

"I told you," the other replied, examining the closed door to their left, "we are selling cookies so I could win those Broadway tickets. The person who sells the most gets 'em."

"Why?"

"Because if you sell more you get more money—"

"No, no. I mean why do you want the tickets?"

"Oh. Well, I need a present for my boyfriend. Y'know, our one-month anniversary... I'll take him to see any musical—"

"Lame."

"What?"

"If I were a dude, I'd just want money. Or a new video game."

"I am trying to be romantic, though."

Her friend just sighed, looking away and above to the white scattered throughout the blue sky. It was a very cloudy day. "C'mon, let's just sell the damn cookies."

XxXxXxXxXxXx

_Knock-knock-knock._

The girls waited, each with their own thought, very different from each other's. The Girl Scout thought of the lines asking people to buy the cookies. Her friend, however, thought of the fighting techniques she had to use if their 'customer' either was too friendly or too…mean.

The door finally opened, and a young orange man dressed in a nerdy vest came out, looking very wary. "Yes?"

"Hello, uhm, sir. Er, would you be interested in buying some Girl Scout cookies? We have all kinds…" She glanced at her friend for help, but the 'help' she received was her friend grabbing some random boxes and displaying them by holding out the boxes to the man in mock enthusiasm. She grimaced.

"Oh," the man said, "er, wait a sec—"he turned his head back to the house and called, _"Kate!"_

After a few moments, the door opened a bit wider and, this time, a furry girl greeted them. "Hi."

"Hey, Kate, they're selling Girl Scout cookies," the man said, nodding to the boxes. "Want some?"

"Oh, Princeton," the woman, Kate, said, "that's sweet. Uhm, yes, we'll take two boxes." She told the girls, smiling warmly. 'How cute!' she thought.

"Oh, okay." The Girl Scout signaled her friend to bring the boxes. "What would you like?"

"Oh," Kate paused, glancing at her boyfriend, "ah, what do you have?"

"Er—" the girl showed the couple a few bright boxes, giving a quick description of each cookie. In the end, the two chose the first boxes they saw.

"Thank you for supporting Girl Scouts," she said after receiving the money. That was the classic line.

"Oh, you're so welcome, sweetie," Kate replied, beaming at the two kids. She was still smiling as Princeton closed the door. She stopped smiling when her boyfriend opened a box and ate almost the whole thing without offering her any. Oh, well…

XxXxxxXxxxXxxXxxX

"Okay, one down…many more to go…"

The two girls stood, slightly nervous, in the front of a dark door inside the building their first customers lived in. The particular hallway they were in was, for some reason, very dimly lit. There was only one door, and that was where they decided to find another customer. Yet they were nervous for no apparent reason. Why?

Still, the Girl Scout knocked on the door. 'It's nothing,' she thought, 'I'm just being weird.'

Well, she was wrong.

After knocking on the door, the two waited. When a few minutes passed with no answer, they were about to leave. But, amazingly, the door opened, to yet another furry person. A very furry one.

Throughout their lives, the girls grew up in Avenue H, knowing full well that there were monsters and people that were the same color as those found in a rainbow. So, they did not panic when they met the orange guy and the two monsters.

But…

"Hello, uh, sir, would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?"

"…" The monster just stared at them weirdly, eyeing the boxes of cookies in the wagon in an unusual way.

It was silent for a few more minutes. A creepy kind of silence.

….

"You sell porn?"

"..."

They all just stared at each other. The girls were shocked, comprehending what he just said. Something little girls should not be aware of yet. So this man… he was a pervert.

Oh, no.

_**"ARGH!"**_

The girl with the wagon, in one swift motion, grabbed her friend's hand, the wagon handle, and ran, without hesitation, both screaming, down the stairs and outside to the safety of the streets. The monster, Trekkie, blinked a few times in confusion. He shrugged, turning back to his dark apartment to resume what he was doing before being interrupted.

XXxxxXXXXxxxXX

_"OH. MY. GOSH."_

"That was the scariest moment of my life."

"I know! He looked at us so weird—"

"Did you hear his voice?"

"—I mean, _porn_, what kind of person—"

"Exactly! He's a molester, I know it. I was so scared—"

"It's okay, we're okay now…"

The two shaken girls were sitting outside under a gorgeous tree. Although the whole place was horrible, the tree was the only thing that actually looked taken care of. Beautifully, at that.

The pair was still holding hands, both very unnerved. The wagon lay, ignored, a few feet away from them. They had just opened a box of cookies and were snacking on them. After all, they needed a break. Running and screaming and all that.

"Once we're done, there're still a few doors left…"

"A few?"

"Yeah."

"Damn. Couldn't I just buy you the tickets?"

XxXxxxxXxxxxXxxxX

_Ding-dong._

Once more, the girls stood outside another door. This one was on the first floor and they did not need to enter any building. It was open to the bright, sunny outside and not enclosed in a dark hallway. Thank goodness.

They could hear footsteps in the other side of the door. The door opened to reveal a green man in a dirty, orange New York sweatshirt. He looked very messy, his hair sticking out in different directions. However, he had a nice smile and kind face. Definitely not the look of a pervert.

"Hello, sir," said the girl, relieved, showing a box for display, "would you like some Girl Scout cookies?"

The man stared at them, head tilted in confusion, before replying. "Yeah, thanks." He grabbed the box of cookies and closed the door.

The girls stared at the closed door, once more shocked. They were too taken aback of the act to think properly. "Did that man just take—?"

"Yeah, he just did."

_"What the hell?"_

The girl with the wagon walked over to the door and slammed her fist against it several times. **"HEY!"**

After a few moments, in which the girls got annoyed each second, the door opened once more, this time to reveal a neat-looking, blue man with glasses. He was very different from the first person. Wearing a suit as well. How ironic, he was the complete opposite of the first guy.

"Yes?"

"Hello, _sir_," the girl said, putting emphasis on the last word. The man flinched at the 'sir', shocked, but not for the same reason the girl stressed the word. _'How did they know? Is it that obvious?'_

"Yes, we were selling some cookies here, and, uh, this green dude just took 'em without paying."

"Oh," the blue man said, surprised, "ah, I see, he's eating them now."

"Well, it's not free."

"I know, sweetie, I'll pay for it."

"Oh, okay." The girl looked at her friend and shrugged. 'Whatever.'

The man, Rod, took out his wallet and looked at the boxes on the wagon. "Well, I'll take another box, if you don't mind."

"Oh," the Girl Scout said, amused, "oh, okay…"

Rod chose a peanut butter kind and paid for the two boxes. He added an extra two dollars in apology, to the Girl Scout's surprise. Her friend was unimpressed. "Uh, thank you for supporting Girl Scouts."

As the two left, the girl with the wagon glanced back at the blue man. She saw him raise the box he bought and, as the door closed, could've sworn he threw it at something. 'Or someone,' she thought as they heard an "OUCH!" through the open window of the two men.

"This is the weirdest place I've ever been," her friend told her, "which Avenue is this?"

"Uh, Q, right?"

"There's a Q?"

"I think so…"

"Well, it's messed up."

"We were better off at Avenue M."

"I know."

XxxXxxXxxxXxxxxX

"I do not want to knock anymore. You do it."

"Why?"

"Just do it."

Knock-knock-kno—

_"Gaaaary Coleman."_

A short man greeted the door before the girls finished knocking. Obviously, he was Gary Coleman.

"Hello, Mr. Coleman," said the Girl Scout, smiling at him. "Would you like some cookies?"

"For sale," her friend disguised as a cough. She coughed again, looking wary. 'I am not giving away cookies to random strangers for free.'

"Oh," Gary said, crestfallen for some reason, "oh, okay. Yeah, I'll take, uh, those."

"These? Which ones?"

"Those two right there…"

"Okay," said the Girl Scout. "Hey!" she told her friend, "Pass me the two orange ones."

The other girl took two boxes from the wagon and gave it to her friend. She made sure Mr. Coleman paid before cheerfully giving him the cookies. "Oh, and can we please have your autograph?"

XxxxXxxxXxxxX

"Alright, Gary Coleman's autograph!"

"Hahaha, I know, huh."

"You know what? We'll do this last door and I promise that's it."

"Promise?"

"Yes."

_Ding-dong-ding_

The two waited, happy, facing their final door for the day. They felt relieved and exhausted, yet they only went through four other doors.

"Hello." The door had opened and a tall man wearing a weird Hawaiian-style, button-up shirt came out. He looked pretty worn out as well.

"Good afternoon, sir. May we interest you in some Girl Scout cookies?" The girl was already holding out some boxes, expecting the man to purchase something as all had the other residents.

"Oh, I'm sorry; I just bought some a while ago."

"Oh," the two stopped short, awkward. No one had ever refused to buy a cookie from them once. "Ah, okay, then…"

"I-I mean, some Boy Scouts just passed by…and…" the man trailed off, looking very embarrassed. "I mean, there's looked so good…"

"That's okay, sir. Thank you anyway."

As the two girls turned around to leave, they distinctly heard footsteps from behind them. "BLIAN!" came a booming voice from the door they had just visited. "Who is being at the door?"

"Ah, some Girl Scouts, honey… with cookies."

"Good. You buy some cookies."

_"W-what?"_

The girls, who had been eavesdropping inconspicuously, turned back around, looking very smug. They walked back to the door and smiled at the man. "What would you like?"

XxxxXxxxXxxXxxX

"Okay, no more houses."

"YES!"

"How much do we have…? Hmm, let me count…"

As the girls counted their money, a door opened down the street and a figure came out. The two ignored it, being too occupied with the many bills in their hands. They did not notice that the figure was walking towards their general direction, and pretty fast as well. The nearer it got, the face became more visible. The figure turned out to be a pink lady in very revealing clothes. When she was relatively near the girls, she glanced at the money they had and as well as the boxes in the wagon. She smiled, approaching the kids. "Hey, baby, what's that you're selling?"

The two made a sharp about-face and looked at the woman. She was smiling at them in a funny way. "Hello, miss. We're selling cookies."

"Oh," said the lady, looking somewhat put-out, but smirking as well, "I thought you were selling _another_ 'C' word that I needed. Thanks anyway." She stalked off in a weird way, over exaggerating her hip movements. They could've sworn there was some weird music playing as she left.

"Another 'C' word? What the—?"

"HEY GUYS!"

"ARGH!" Suddenly, two small teddy-bears had materialized out of nowhere and greeted the girls.

"It's us!" they exclaimed brightly, "The Bad Idea Bears!"

"We're your friends," said the yellow one closest to the kids. The blue bear nodded, "Mm-hmm!"

"Watcha selling?"

"Uh," said the Girl Scout, looking at her friend for help, "cookies?"

"YAY!" cried the two bears, waving their hands in glee, "How wonderful! And you know what goes great with cookies?"

"What? Milk, right?"

"No, silly! _BEER_!"

"…uh, beer…?"

"More drinks, more fun! Yay!" thrilled the two bears in unison. They seemed to be having the time of their lives messing with underage children.

"…er, no thank you. We're not of age…"

"Age? What does that have to do with anything?"

"Are you buying cookies or not?" snapped the girl holding the wagon. She seemed very ticked-off, glowering at the bears. Beer, please… It doesn't even taste good…

"Oooh, someone's in a baaad mood!"

"…"

"You know what'll cheer you up? Beer!"

"…stupid bears…"

"Yeah, and we could get some Long-Island Ice Teas!"

"I believe in abstinence!" blurted the Girl Scout, remembering what they had been taught about in 'peer pressure situations'.

"Wrong thing," muttered her friend under her breath, "that's a different situation."

"Oh. Oops."

_"Absti-wha?" _said the Bad Idea Bears, looking disbelieving, "Hey, don't say that! It's much different than you think—"

"Okay, thank you, bye." The Girl Scout stared at the bears as her friend grabbed her hand and pulled her away. She made sure to give the bears a piercing 'don't even bother' kind of look before leaving.

"What is _wrong _with this place?"

XxxxXxxxXxxxX

"Okay, we are going to the subway and go home."

As the kids walked towards the subway station, their getaway from the messed up environment that was Avenue Q, they passed by a small school. It seemed as though the kids had just been released and several of them were either being picked up by their parents or making their way, walking, home. As the last of the children left the campus, an old lady came out, holding a large purse. She looked unusually strict and cold-hearted. She caught sight of the girls and, just to be polite, the two greeted her a 'good afternoon'. However, she walked towards them and examined the boxes in the wagon.

"What is this?" she said in a snappy voice, sounding impatient and angry.

"They're cookies, ma'am," replied the Girl Scout, looking slightly annoyed at the old woman. 'What's with the attitude?'

"Ugh, disgusting," snapped the lady, tossing a box she was looking back into the wagon carelessly. They heard the cookie break from within the box.

The girl clutching the wagon handle glared, enraged, obviously ready to strangle the woman.

"Oh, where are the good days when children did not sell junk in the streets and merely offered to carry your grocery bags?" the hag continued, unashamed, "And cookies make you fat."

"You're one to talk."

"Excuse me? I lose weight, not gain. Unlike you."

"At least I have some curves! I'm growing; it'll happen. Unlike you, you're skin looks like baggy clothing! Or elephant skin."

"At least I don't sell weight-gaining products on the street to innocent passersby!"

"What's so innocent about you? And what do you expect; fat-free cookies?"

"YES, I DO!"

"Well, sorry, but it _DOESN'T_ EXIST! There are no such things as cookies that don't make you fat! All they do with so-called cookies is not coat the extra sugar on 'em! IT'S FAKE."

"DO _YOU_ SELL FAT-FREE COOKIES?"

"NO! IT DOESN'T EXIST!"

"AHA, SO YOU DON'T SELL THEM! I KNEW IT, YOU PROBABLY_ ATE _ALL OF THEM IN HOPES OF GETTING THINER!"

"WELL AT LEAST MY SKIN DOESN'T_ SAG _MORE THAN TEENAGE BOY'S PANTS! AND I AM NOT FAT YOU LITTLE—"

_"SO?"_

"WHO EVEN LET YOU WALK ON THE STREETS, GRAMMA? _RETIRE_!"

"I DON'T BELIEVE IN RETIREMENT! OR OLD AGE!"

"YEAH, YOU TAKE THE WHOLE_ 'FEEL YOUNG' _THING WAAAY TOO FAR!"

"C'mon, let's go," the Girl Scout told her shouting friend, "before we get arrested."

The old woman and the girl were still shouting at each other from the opposite ends of the streets as they walked their separate ways. In the end, the girl remained in a touchy and irritable mood throughout the trip back home and on the subway. Even when they were at the safety of their own Avenue, she was still glowering. She kept on muttering things like "stupid lady" and "fat-free cookies don't exist" every now and then.

They were **NEVER** returning to Avenue Q.

XxxXxxXxxXxxxX

"Well, we got a lot of money. Now what?"

"We record how much we sold and—"

"We give it back?"

"Yeah. For credit."

"I'm not even in Girl Scouts! I don't need credit!"

"Sorry, but I needed a partner in this!"

"Why didn't you ask your other troop members or whatever you call them?"

"Because everyone wanted the tickets for themselves! So did I!"

"And you chose me 'cause I'd do it for free, is that what you thought?"

"Well…erm…yes…"

"…"

"I'll give you a free box…?"

"I'm takin' the wagon and everything in it."

XxxxxXxxxXXxxxXx

"Here ya go!"

"Thanks, sweetie…uh, Broadway tickets?"

"Yeah!"

"Oh, that's, uh, nice?"

"Well what would you have wanted?"

"A video game…money… Gary Coleman's autograph…"

"Damn."

* * *

_If you were gay, that'd be okay. I mean 'cause hey! I like you any-way!_

* * *

**Author's Notes: Hey guys. I'm really bored and this happened as I had so much time to kill. Yeah, if there are mistakes, I'm sorry, I didn't properly revise this. *sigh* Yeah, it's random, and I put too much words than necessary. I only put it up 'cos I didn't want to look THAT lazy, heheheheh. Free cookies to those who review?**

**Oh, and I didn't name them since...uh, I actually have no idea. Uhm, Rod+Nicky FTW!**


End file.
